What strange, surreal times we find ourselves in.
For a little while, it felt like our circumstances were really extraordinary. And in some ways, I suppose they are. But as the coronavirus continues to spread, I’m finding we’re not so unusual after all. And it feels both tragic and somewhat comforting - less alone, anyway - to see all the ways in which we’re in this together. And how intertwined our fates are.
Big sigh. That’s a heavy way to start a post. So, I’ll take a step back from all that for a moment and give you an update on how the chemo has been going. I’m about halfway through the second round and so far, it’s been pretty manageable. I’m really grateful for a lot of progress with the way that they approach chemo side effects now. I’ve felt queasy for five or six days after and a bit tired, but then around day seven or eight, I start to feel back to “normal.” And I get a reprieve of about a week before it’s time to start the cycle all again.
The worst of the side effects so far have come from the daily shots that help boost my white blood cell count. They cause deep and pretty intense bone pain for a few days in the middle of the cycle. All those white blood cells being pulled from my bone marrow apparently put up quite a fight. The good news is, I' was ready for it this second time and was able to stay on top of a healthy regimen of advil and tylenol. It wasn’t nearly as bad the second time around.
And I’m incredibly grateful for these shots right now as they’re helping my immune system bounce back between chemo sessions. My bloodwork showed my white blood cell count back in the normal range before I started the second chemo. I’m hoping/praying that trend continues. It helps to think that I’m not physically vulnerable to the same degree all the time.
It’s a battle to remain focused on the things we can control. Are you feeling it too? There’s so damn much that’s out of our control. So I keep coming back to what I can control: where I go (nowhere, I’m basically sheltering in place), the people I engage with in person (only the people in this house), washing my hands (a million times a day) and how much media I consume (this one is maybe the hardest).
So, chemo has so far been largely manageable, at least physically. But emotionally/mentally, it has been a pretty intense time for us. Sean is on the frontlines of the coronavirus fight in the ED. I think many of you know that, in addition to being an emergency department physician, Sean has a Masters in Public Health in Environmental Health & Infectious Diseases. He’s been talking about the likelihood of a pandemic on this level for years. (It’s fun dinner party conversation.) But neither of us in our wildest dreams imagined that, if/when it happened, we would also have to worry about me being immunosuppressed at the same time.
Our world has changed so rapidly. Sean’s hospital was where the first case of coronavirus in the US showed up. And there is still a huge hot spot for suspected cases. We’re having to take ever more extreme measures to reduce the risk of exposure for me. Right now, that means the girls and I are staying with family four hours away and I’m traveling back for treatments. At some point, the girls and I will need to return home, which means Sean will have to move out for a while. We don’t know how long we’ll have to be completely separated from him. And of course, there’s the constant worry (for me) about the personal risks that Sean takes every day when he goes off to work.
One day at a time. Focus on what we can control.
If you want to help, there are a few things you can do too:
Stay at home. Really. Don’t try to figure out ways around the shutdowns. Just stay in. It’s hard but it’s necessary to flatten the curve. Yes, I mean you.
There are already critical shortages of PPE at hospitals like Sean’s. You can join efforts like this one to help make PPE. (I can’t believe we’re here, but we’re here.)
I’ve created a Facebook group for fellow partners/spouses of healthcare workers who are fighting the Coronavirus. Please share this link with anyone you know in this position who could benefit from some additional support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2731128377114642/
Wash your hands.
We’re all in this together.